and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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