Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
