come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
