oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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