dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
