I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
