so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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