It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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