I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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