I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
