if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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