Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
