Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
