just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
