So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
