His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize