After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
