My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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