you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
