My first STD was from a foam party
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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