Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
