It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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