Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
