watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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