You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
