1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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