Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
