Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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