she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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