wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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