i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
