You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
