He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
