i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
