apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
