My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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