you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize