I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
