So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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