C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
