i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wear drunk well.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
