did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
