I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
