I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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