So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
