Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
