Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize