if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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