I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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