Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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