DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fuck appropriateness.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
