I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
