for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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