dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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