Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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