Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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