After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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