I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Damn victory sex feels great
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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