Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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