If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
