Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
