My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
