Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
