you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
