why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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