i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
