u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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