listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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