I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
