Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
