The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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