Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
