so explain again why im purple
no
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
