Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
