Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
