dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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