i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Non-Jews are for practice
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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