Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
