youre lurking in front of me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
