I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
