i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
