Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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