Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Panties = found
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
