There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
