Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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