chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
